'They' will get used to violence?..

It's quiet some time now since I have been thinking about this and the thoughts do appear 'randomly' in my write-ups too, terrorism. It just disturbs me virtually all the time, day and night. The very alien thought of humans killing human for something they are not even sure of, or for something they believe 'guards' us all. I know it is depressing and most of us do not have much time to think about beyond the critical circumstances of our own ridiculously complicated lives, but I still think about it, I can not help it.

God, the creator, the supreme, the all almighty, they use it's name to ruin mortal lives, destroy minuscule moments of happiness and tear apart memories. It agitates me to hear when people say that the next generation will 'get used to' this violence. Used to Violence? Why do they want to be engaged in a race of faith? Why can't democracy, the freedom of expression and opinion be uniformly defined? Why does it need to be politicized for a momentary good to few? It makes me feel sick, at heart and in my stomach.

I know I am not doing anything to stop it, probably I can not, but I don't want to blame those who have the responsibility either. My optimism tells me they are trying, hard. I am trying to imagine a morning when I will get up without a fear for the safety of my loved ones. When I will travel without losing hope of reaching the destination. When well-wishers will not stop me from returning back to the land I belong to, just because they want me safe and happy. The day I will be happy in the world I dream of, but find it very hard to imagine at the moment. The happy, peaceful world I have faint memories of from my childhood. I hope I will spend a few years of my life in my fairy-tale world.

I don't know!

I am wondering if it is the ‘I don’t know’ aspect of life that keeps us going, keeps it interesting. It is like hiking, following a trail, which gets tough at times, easy on others, I meet fellow hikers, I forget all pain and hardship occasionally when I admire the view of the valley from the summit, I carry on, knowing it is just going to be trees and trail, sky and mud at every new step forward, but yet the excitement does not diminishes. I so wish not to encounter the inhabitants of the forest, but somewhere within me I prepare myself for the adventure and so want it to happen, for the sake of ‘adventure’!

Life is as interesting, as predictably unpredictable and as knowingly unknown as a trail! But deciding to end the rendezvous with trail is in my hands, life just goes on, with its own steady pace, but sometimes too fast that it scares me that if I fail to keep up with it, it is going to be destructive.

Memories of the hikers I met in the past, surround me in those silent, dark, lonely evenings. For some of them I wonder what they are up to, for some I make a silent wish and hope they do well what ever, where ever. Some haunt me, and I think why I met them in the first place, some bring a smile on my face, some bring a tear. Some of them bring a strange pain, so dreadful that I want to return at that moment and start running to the point where I met them hoping to see them again, wishing to hug them, tell them how I felt, that the trail is going to be even more beautiful with their company to cherish for, but then my rational brain stops me. They are not going to be there. They would have moved on. Just like I did. I regret. May be shed a tear or two. Cry myself to sleep or get lost in the world of more memories- happy but painful. But then I am hopeful of a new day. A new beginning. Sometimes, of meeting them again. Often turning back to see if there is any trace of the ones I so wish to see. My practical brain ‘knows’ it won’t happen, my optimism assures me it will. The rational voice that follows me all the time, replies the same way as it mostly does, ‘I don’t know’!

random thoughts

A very happy new year to you.

On one of these chilly week end mornings i decided to venture out to the city centre and as i saw people passing by some thoughts struck me. Each face has a different story on it, each one different yet so similar to the other- it is just about success and failure in one or the other aspect of life. Success which is not ever lasting and failures which are not fatal. But at a given moment that is all that matters. I wonder why?

Birmingham being the trade hub of England has attracted people from various parts of the world, especially Asians and Africans. So on a busy weekend the usual sight is of an excellent international mix of people buzzing around. For some reason i recalled the view of the busy Delhi markets and tried to compare. Lots of people, going in every possible direction, everyone eager to go ahead of the other. Thanks to westernization of the eastern world, even the average dress sense of people isn't too different either. But something was different. I don't know what. Forget about the surroundings, the architecture and all, just the crowd, was different. Why? What makes humans so different despite them being so alike one another? Same body, similar day-to-day needs, similar habits. But we are still different. Guess some questions are better unanswered, though. It is this variety that keeps life colourful. Cheerful. Fun to live.

Those eyes

They pierce through my soul, as i think about them,
blue as the mid day summer skies,
deep as the sea in the Caribbean,... they hit me
every time i see them, every time i close my eyes.
Since the moment when i first saw them,
i confess now, i didn't heard you recite any more,
my love; I didn't saw you any more too.
It was just those mesmerizing blue eyes.....
between me and you.
I still remember them, as i first saw them.
They said something more than your words,
a tale of your past, your fears and your unsaid
thoughts. They still do that, when ever i am in doubt,
they still show me the way, when i could least come out.
I love them still, and i promise, i always will.

Name sake

I was just surfing the net minutes ago when suddenly without any particular reason i typed my own name in the google search engine. There emerged so many lives, so many 'SMRITI MAHAJAN's so to say- each one a story, distinct yet similar to every other perhaps.

Some one is in London, someone is a medical professional, someone is still in school and probably celebrating a recent victory in a talent hunt.... but each one, possibly with a pride in the name that is mine, and theirs, and just like me they all would think of it as their very unique entity.

I'm drowning down the past now, into all those moments where i argued, and fought just for my name sake! I wonder why now?!! It never belonged 'only' to me, it never will. I never owed it, actually it was given to me! I wonder why i felt it was special, i wonder why they think it is special...

I'm really feeling very ordinary now, not on the negative side though! I think i will always remember this fact next time when i get that 'this is me' feeling. I will never fight back again for the sake of my name, when someone will say things about 'Smriti Mahajan'- there are thousands of them, why should i bother!!

I feel so closer to him today, an inseparable part of his vast universe, where i just have a label, like everyone else, and that too is not unique. I feel so light, the weight of keeping upto my name has vanished from my shoulders. yes, i am freed from the name sake..

How lucky are we..

Thinking of the ceremonious Diwali time brings back a lot of sweet memories of all diwalis spent at home, amongst family and friends, laughter, joy, happiness..... but leaves me wondering what will be Diwali like for those who lost their loved ones this year??

A father who left for the office in the morning but never returned, a son who promised new furniture for home this diwali, but is no more to fulfill it, a mother who is missed by her kids at this very auspicious occasion, how will the Diwali be in all these homes??!!

Its scary, its sad, i know, and that is why it gives me a strange feeling of pride to think how lucky are we to be amongst people whom we love. How special every moment spent in their company is, and how special is this life that we have got to be so happy.

Always keep smiling, be happy and have a positive outlook towards life. The world no doubt will become a beautiful place to be. Always remember `I AM THE LUCKIEST PERSON ON THE PLANET'. Being an astronomer i believe, our very existence at this very unique position in the Universe is the best thing that has happened to us, and emotions, care, feelings and love are added bonus. :D

Live life to its fullest, i wish you all a very happy diwali and a cheerful life ahead!
Blessings & wishes, Smriti

स्वयं दर्शन

मैं कौन हूँ, क्या हूँ? मुझे ख़ुद की तलाश है शायद … मैं जानना चाहता हूँ मैं यहाँ क्यूँ हूँ? मेरा उद्देश्य क्या है? अतीतसे मुझे सरोकार नही, भविष्य की चिंता भी नहीं है मुझे, फ़िर मैं बेचैन क्यूँ हूँ?

इस पल में कुछ कमी सी है… नहीं शायद मैं भटक रहा हूँ..

अगर मैं सर्व विद्यमान ईश्वर का अंश हूँ तो मैं दिशाहीन नही हो सकता हूँ, मैं परमात्मा का अंश आत्मा हूँ, मैंसर्वविद्यमान हूँ. न मैं था, न मैं होऊंगा, पर मैं कल भी था, आज भी हूँ और कल भी रहूँगा|

समय मैं हूँ, भूत मैं हूँ, और भविष्य भी मैं हूँ….. केवल मैं| यही मेरा परिचय है| फ़िर मैं भूल क्यूँ जाता हूँ? क्यूँ मैं कभी भाई, कभी बेटा, कभी माँ, कभी दोस्त, कभी शिक्षक, कभी शिष्य बन जाता हूँ?

ये मेरा स्वाभाव है| सर्वविद्यमान होने के लिए मुझे अनेक रूप धारण करने पड़ते हैं| तो बस मैं धारण कर लेता हूँ| किंतु भूल ये होती है की पात्र अदा करते-करते मैं उस चरित्र में ही खो जाता हूँ| मैं वही होता हूँ, परन्तु अपनाअस्तित्व मैं खो देता हूँ| यही भूल मेरे दर्द का कारण बनती है|

आज मैं उस सर्व शक्तिमान, सर्वत्र विद्यमान परमात्मा से प्रार्थना करता हूँ की हम सबका मार्गदर्शन करें| हम अपनाअस्तित्व याद रख पाएं, इस जीवन पथ पर अग्रसर होते हुए अपने प्रयोजन को सफल कर पाएं ऐसा आशीर्वादआज मैं मांगता हूँ! ॐ शान्ति!!