The day is coming..

"...क्षमा शोभित उस भुजंग को जिसके पास गरल हो,
उसका क्या जो दंतहीन विषहीन विनीत सरल हो|"
--- 'दिनकर'

These lines from Dinkar's poetry convey exactly the message we need today. Mumbai, Gujrat, Delhi,.... where next?? How long are we going to sit and watch? Blasts in the posh areas of Delhi is their message to the elite, you are not different from your country. You do not afford to sit and watch. Its their message to the government of the democratic republic of India that you are unable to save your own bed, what are you going to do about the country??

No, no more, they don't afford to arouse us like this every time. Its not a question of ego any more. Its not about land, money or power, its about our integrity now. Its an issue which hurts a billion hearts, for which a billion souls cry together. Why, why us?

I do not understand why these people fail to realise how beautiful the life is, and how short to experience it in its entirety? World history evidently speaks for itself, blood shed has never done any good to anyone. Alexander the great went on to conquer the world, but at the end got the same amount of land that a pauper gets.

Occasionally i do wonder if indeed we are standing on the verge of a periodic change- 'युग परिवर्तन' as has been stated in the Geeta. Brothers will fight, there would be blood shed and dead bodies all around, the entire human race will have to face natural as well as man-made calamities. If this was bound to happen, it is.

But the light still shines through. After every blast its not 'them' who win, its the common man- the one who leaves the safety of the home to donate blood, one who fights against all odds to carry the injured on his shoulders, the wife who takes up the responsibility of her disabled husband. Its them who win, without using weapons. Their tears adding fuel to the fire that is burning beneath the calm surface.

I can sense their tears taking the shape of a tsunami within every Indian. I could see the day when this anger will take a toll on them. The day is coming, the day of 'महाप्रलय'.

Lost and found

No, no I haven't lost my luggage or wallet or my mind either, for that matter! A quick look at the calender this morning reminded me that its exactly 2 years today that i first stepped out of home, alone, into an unknown land (UK that is, in case you are unaware of my life's history!), for a purpose which always has meant a lot to me. When I took the first step and my biggest dream was about to turn into a reality. This very thought brought with it a lot of memories of the past and as is human nature i got into evaluating what i lost and found during this journey.

I lost the family life, the good times with friends, but achieved a lot too! Met great friends here, a fatherly figure, with whom i share such a complex relation that i am never sure to address him as a friend or not; and introduction to several cultures of the world, some of which didn't even existed for me before this moment and finally.... i now proudly introduce myself as an ASTRONOMER. Traveling across Europe (Germany, Canary islands, Ireland, Spain to name a few) and meeting people from across the globe has been an amazingly pleasant and thrilling experience. We all grow up, at some point in our lives, but for me the process is precisely confined in these last 2 years.

The journey has been beautiful one, though with mixed emotions. I now find people more precious than they ever were to me. I value time spent in their company more than anything now. I understand what it means to live 'for the moment'.

Love u all, a tough journey has been a pleasant one because of you and i hope the rest of it will become easier too. Take care!

श्रधांजलि

''सुनूँ क्या सिन्धु मैं गर्जन तुम्हारा, स्वयं युग-धर्म का हुंकार हूँ मैं,
या मरते मानव की विजय का दूर्य हूँ मैं, उर्वशी अपने समय का सूर्य हूँ मैं|''
--- 'दिनकर'

छायावाद के एक महानतम कवि को उनके जन्म शताब्दी वर्ष पर शत शत नमन |

'जानता है तू की मैं कितना पुराना हूँ,
मैं चुका हूँ देख मन को जन्मते मरते,
और लाखों बार तुझसे पागलों को भी
चांदनी में बैठ स्वप्नों पर सही करते|
आदमी का स्वप्न है वो बुलबुला जल का,
आज उड़ता और कल फ़िर फूट जाता है;
किंतु फ़िर भी धन्य ठेहरा आदमी ही तो
बुलबुलों से खेलता कविता बनाता है|'
--- रामधारी सिंह 'दिनकर'

रौशनी की ओर...

अंधियारी सड़क पर चलते हुए
एक मोड़ पर दिख गई रौशनी इक ओर,
मैं बढ चला उसी ठोर;
हर कदम वो मुझ से दूर जाती रही,
मुझे पास बुलाती रही, और मैं बढता
गया उसी ओर, उस रौशनी की ठोर|
हर कदम पर याद आई वो चिडिया
जो तिनका तिनका जोड़ कर,
घर बनाया करती थी,छत से रोज़
गिरा देते थे उसका घोंसला, वो
फ़िर नया बनाया करती थी,
वो बुडिया जो दादी की कहानियों में
रोज़ आया करती थी, लकडियाँ
काट कर रोज़ खाना पकाया
करती थी, और फ़िर याद आया वो
मज़दूर जिसे स्कूल बस से देखा
करता था, रोज़ चाय की दुकान
पे वो सुबह सुबह रात की
रोटी चखता था|
इन सब को भी नज़र आई
होगी शायद यही रौशनी,
जो आज मुझे अचानक अंधियारी
सड़क पे चलते हुए, गली के उस छोर
पे दिख गई, और मैं बढ चला
उसकी ठोर, उस रौशनी की ओर...

This is not what i want

I spent last few weeks with family and friends, as it so happens, distance from home has made them even more special. This time especially I just couldn't help wondering why i was more happy with them in the scorching heat of Delhi, even if they were busy in their own lives where i was not involved? Was it just their vibes that soothed me all day in those rooms, where i sat by myself or with mom. Are they really having such a strong influence on me that i feel almost dead without their vibes? .... WHY

Its 5 days since the beautiful vacation got over, but i am still trying to get back to 'normal' life. The weather is pleasantly cold (compared to Delhi!), the streets, remarkably clean with very sophisticated mannequins moving around with plastic smiles, i do not have to cook for several people covered in sweat, but i am not happy. ''This is not what i want'' i keep saying to myself.

I an sure we all go through this phase once in a while, i too have before, but this time it is just taking over me completely. My greatest rescue, my work, is also not helping because i am feeling lost. Lost in all aspects of life. So lost that lately i have been asking myself ''is this really me?''. May be not, this is not the real me. My friends and family will portray me as an embodiment of strength and courage, which i won't be surprised to hear, if goes to the extremes of being heartless. But this simpleton, shedding tears day and night just with one thought ''This is not what i want'' is not me.

I am not writing this to gain any sympathy or to tell you how i feel, but probably just to re-discover myself. But do tell me if you ever felt the way i do, if it ever so happened that your unfulfilled desires took away (momentarily) all the precious moments and left you wondering, that is not what i wanted.

उस प्याले से प्यार मुझे जो
दूर हथेली से प्याला,
उस हाला से चाव मुझे जो,
दूर अधर-मुख से हाला;
प्यार नहीं पा जाने में है,
पाने के अरमानों में!
पा जाता तब, हाय, न इतनी
प्यारी लगती मधुशाला|

-- बच्चन (मधुशाला)

from my balcony

''मधुर भावनाओं की सुमधुर नित्य बनाता हूँ हाला,
भरता हूँ इस मधु से अपने अंतर का प्यासा प्याला,
उठा कल्पना के हाथों से स्वयं उसे पी जाता हूँ,
अपने ही में हूँ मैं साकी, पीनेवाला, मधुशाला।।''
-- बच्चन

Looking out of the window, at these mysterious patterns in the sky i could not help realising that the voice was missing... the voice within me. But although at peace with the self, i'm not calm. There is something missing. Something i can not define because it is nothing in particular, but it is missing. All i know, i would have been happier in its presence, but i don't know where to find it.
Am i excited about going to Delhi? Am i thinking about work? What am i searching for? I feel utterly confused... but this phrase from Bachchan sahab's Madhushala defines me at this moment the best.

With a cup of Earl grey in my hand i'm trying to find that lost peace, wish me luck!

Good night

The seven daughters of Eve

I was introduced to the bestseller titled above by my advisor. An urge to explore, and love for reading finally led me to Waterstone's last week. I am still in the process of reading it, but the amazing story of how all of us in europe and many other parts of the world trace back our genetic past to just 7 women who lived thousands of years ago, intrigues me and provoked several thoughts to which i seldom have answers.
Written by Prof.Bryan Sykes, The seven daughters of eve is a story of the scientific journey of the discovery of our identity. The very idea, that the present holds the key to the questions about the past, is a novel one in itself. Moreover it has left me wondering that if this is true for the entire world, and just like all other species, we humans have developed special characteristics (like darker skin) over a period of time to suit the physical conditions, then it is so ironical that today we are killing each other to prove our own superiority.
Irrespective of who i am: a creationist, believing in the supreme powers of the super natural, or evolutionist, believing in the power of nature, survival by natural selection, one fact remains undeniable: We all belong to each other. How can we go against our own family then? We, the smartest species on this unique planet, fail to understand the difference between our responsibilities as a member of the human family. We still need to learn
from trillions of examples in the animal kingdom, where creatures of the same species, and even those of closely related ones, never harm one another. We are coming close to the same point in the circle from where we began in the stone age. the only aim of life was to survive, like that of most animals. Why are we the smartest species then? Shouldn't we have aims for life different than the masses (read other species)? we have come a long way, but we have a long one to cover still....